So while it has been a while since I posted anything here, I haven't stopped learning. I've been attending regular Buddhist philosophy classes, doing a lot of reading and also formal study. One thing I have been reading about lately which I would like to share is about ones mindset. According to what I have been reading there are two dominate mindsets. Test or Growth.
The test mindset sees the world and life as one big test. Everything we ever do is a test. Work tasks are a test, conversations/interaction with people are tests, driving (especially if there is someone else in the car with us), is a test - EVERYTHING. You can probably guess how this ends up! If everything is a test then everyone's opinion/feedback on how you do anything is the result of your test, verdict, or the judgement on your performance.
The test mindset has at its core in the idea that we are fixed and can not change. Even through hard work and education we are the same basic people with the same basic behaviours and personality and level of intelligence.
On the other hand, the growth mindset sees endless growth as the norm, change, evolving is just what happens. How those people are now is more like a pencil sketch and not an oil painting fully framed and hung, never to be rubbed out and redrawn. Therefore the feedback or information gained from others is good - it is information about where they stand now and what might be something to work on next. Something to be used to growth and not always seen as a personal judgement or test result.
So, I'm thinking that for most people they will be able to see that the test mindset is very demanding, very tiring. The results of the tests are personal chips at your abilities and qualities. It sort of looks at life from a negative perspective - or at least I think it does. While the growth mindset looks at life from a positive perspective.
Anyway, this information, be it right or wrong or popular psychology or not mumbo jumbo, rang a bell within me. I think I was a test mindset person for all of my life until 2010. It was hard work, very hard work. And as I rarely got positive feedback, or probably more accurately perceived anything as positive, I always felt like I was failing these tests. I see now how wrong that view was but this does explain a lot for me about how I was feeling back then and how life seems so dam hard every single day. Just catching the bus to school each day seemed like a test and mostly I passed but it was always clouded by huge amounts of anxiety.
Through the help of meditation, Buddhist Dharma, 2+ years of Psych counselling and most recently, Workplace and Business Coaching (life coaching) training and qualifications I see that these are not tests. If I miss the bus I have not 'failed', just missed the bus. I still feel the sense of failure deep inside me but I can recognise it as a little misplaced. Not a fully appropriate feeling and most importantly, it is not a verdict on me as a person.
So I wanted to share/record this here as I think it is a good piece of information to know about the mindset and also that it really seemed to be very true for me. The test mindset was exhausting for me and very often I was disappointed with my efforts or didn't even try in the first place as I just didn't want to be tested, judged, evaluated, and fail again. But I was the only one evaluating me.
Thanks for reading and be kind to yourself.
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