A little further down the line.

I think I have moved a little further down the line towards something. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a very ordinary man with many issues and problems, (I guess that is what makes me ordinary) but I can see them for what they are now: just things, they don't define me. Some have a nice little label, others have many names.

My dyslexia doesn't bother me too much any more. I know I need to think more carefully about what I write and how I write it. I also need to think about what I read a bit more than others;  that's all. I know I get anxious and sometimes really spiral into a deep blue mood, but who doesn't from time to time. I can now see when this is happening. Sometimes, I can even stop it from happening.

All this, I think, is a big improvement from where I was a few years back.  And just recently, I have turned a corner in my relationship also. I am far more accepting of things that in the past, I would have been unable to get over and would have stewed on for days.

Someone really quite smart said something profound to me the other day. They said that some of us are better than others, at hiding what we don't want the world to see. Meaning that everyone has perceived issues and problems (things that they perceive to be issues or problems but might not be) which they try to hind from the world. Some people hide them well while others do not. They who do not then become the focus and 'out of the norm', when really we are all normal because we all have things we would rather not. They bother some of us a lot while they might bother others only a little. Nonetheless, we all have something.

I had something that I was trying to hide from the world and even myself. I did not want to acknowledge that I had any difficulty and that I was just like what I saw in everyone else. But that is the funny thing isn't it - I could only see in others. what others wanted me to see because they were hiding their issues, and therefore, I could not see what they were/are hiding. And you know why - cause they were/are better than I am at hiding it.  See, we ALL have things we are hiding. That made me realise that I am hiding things and so is everyone else. Therefore, we are all the same.

So, what is the answer?  Stop hiding it and just accept it. It is what it is and trying to make it something other than what it is will drive you nuts.

So now, while I don't go around telling everyone and anyone all about how I work, I don't really try to hide it either.

Samsara

Life is suffering. Life is shit. People are shit. Look at all the bad there is in the world, why do people need to be so bad to each other? Even if people are not bad, there is just suffering all the time. I have been working hard to understand why and to live with all this samsara but I'm just drowning in it at the moment and am just unhappy all the time.

I have been meditating every day and for a little while during and after all seems ok, I can focus on the here and now and be a little at peace, but then the samara leaks into my mind and stays there for the rest of the day. I see all the crap in the world, all the suffering, domestic violence, racism leading to deaths and so many other things. I know that generally the world is getting better, we have more health , more equality, more education etc etc so all the protests and social media outlining all this bad stuff is probably needed so that more people are aware and therefore even more improvements can be made. But holy crap, all this in your face with death, violence, inequality and so much suffering, then there is just everyday life, which generally sucks also. Working every day, cleaning the house, washing clothes, do dishes. No one even cares. Wow, samara, you bet.

Three pillars of Buddhism

So I understand that the three pillars of Buddhism are:

1 study

2 meditation

3 service

Study is just as it sounds and is undertaken to establish / find the sign posts for the direction one should take in life.  One should study all areas to be more informed, more understanding and more able to discuss and participate on a factual rather than emotional basis. Understanding of the world comes from study.

Meditation is undertaken to better understand the sign posts found from study. One needs to meditate to gain an insight into their own mind, increase mindfulness, increase wisdom and therefore be able to follow the sign posts without bringing harm to oneself or to others.

Service is the final pillar where one contributes to the world through service. Doing no harm is a type of service, reducing pollution is a type of service, being patient with your children is definitely a service. Through service we make the world a better place.

I got a lot out of being introduced to these three pillars and so I have outlined them in a very basic way ( as I understand them to be) here so that someone else may also gain something from them.

Thanks for reading and I hope you do gain something.